Wow. 3 months of no posting. I don't know am I busy about. definitely final year project all other responsibilities that actually take me out from the blogging world. i have tried to write before, words do not come out as naturally as I want it to be. i'm just plain boring. plus, nobody is reading it anyway. I write because I feel like translating my thought into something physical, something that I can read back whenever i feel like I am not myself. and I have been feeling not-myself for the past few months.
You see, I'm a sucker for romantic or romance novel, or even dramas and movies. And you guys know this one famous novel written by John Green, The Fault in Our Star, the one that people keep talking about and you would most probably be ashamed of yourself for not knowing the existence of such amazing book, as per everyone say. i should be thinking the same, too. as what I thought about Nicholas Spark's novel, where everyone are head over heels about his novel and I'm pretty much like everyone else too. So I should be praising and crying while reading the novel. Apparently that is not the case. Is it fair if I say that the story line is pretty much predictable and err, cliche? because that's what I feel throughout the whole book. It's just so plain I feel like, why everyone is over-praising this book? Okay, I can see all those beautiful quotes and stuff but I just feel like there's nothing too romantic or sad about the book that I should cry over it. and I get over the book in a night. I rarely get over a good book in short time. It usually lingers in my mind.
Maybe because I have changed.
to be very insensitive.
to lost my ability to feel romance. (i guess?)
all those feelings of loving someone, the thought that you will be spending the rest of your life with someone, the feeling of seeing that person and smile and have butterflies and whole lot more just somehow dissipated from me. I feel like I have lost my ability to do all that.
I feel the blankest blank.
the emptiest empty.
And I realized, there are reason for all of this.
and maybe because I only remember Allah in my lowest moment of my life and tend to forget Him when He is the one who lift me up that I feel happy to the extend that I believe I can fly.
and here on onward I am learning, for all happy moments in my life, I shall praise and thanks Allah.
May I be able to feel all that feeling once again. but not now.